The FEAR

Since childhood, I have been an avid reader of horror flicks; the creepy-crawly feelings, the spine tingling sensation, and the adrenaline rush -  a combo hard to resist. But then, even after knowing these are flicks with little bearing on any truth, why do we fear? What makes us so afraid of the dark? 

The dark is something like a tunnel, an abyss, whose depth you don’t know. You cannot see the inside, and this factor of UNKNOWN is the devil, the monster , which keeps haunting us. The very mention of a haunted house, conjures up a vision of an old, shattered house, with broken window panes, trees protruding from the walls, planning  to unfold and engulf things in entirety. The memories, childhood visIons ie the subconscious manifests itself, not letting us shy those dreary visions.  

But then, Though we fear, though we cuddle up in our bed, we can hardly miss our favourite horror books, flicks.....isn’t that true? This implies, though we are fearful, we don’t stop to watch/read something that gives us pleasure. if so, why cant/don’t we extrapolate this to our real life emotions/situations????

We are fearful, we are tensed, and we are bothered of the outcome…we let go off things; we choose the simplest method of compromise, , wriggling out through such situations....don't we?  We trim the wings of our dreams, procrastinating and cursing the Almighty for giving us the poisoned cup of destiny; we do this only because we are suffused with an aroma of fear, the fear of stretching ourselves, the fear of moving out of the comfort zone, the fear of the outcome - THE UNKNOWN. 

But if we really want to do something, if we are passionate about something, why cant that BIG PICTURE, which is subconscious, manifest itself, allowing us to nail those groans of apprehension and take the charge. Why cant we let go , or embrace those skittish, eerie feelings : I know you are there out in the dark, in the woods, but then I am not afraid as I am too engrossed in my Quest.

Can a correlation be ascertained or the analogy drawn is just farcical?

The MOMENT

If brevity is wit, then only 4 words can describe my current state : “ I AM VERY HAPPY”

Oh yes, its enough to regain my dwindling confidence. The magic, suddenly the gloomy, pensive mood seems to disappear, bringing in a fresh air ……………..ready to sweep, wipe, and blow away every single moment of past agony. To see that pop out, though not to my expectations, was an experience in itself………….being hit by a sudden shot of angelic happiness; the ripples that it created had somewhat got a spooky inertia, making no effort to stop.

Now, the real challenge begins. Its like being able to see the peak, but left with no gas to climb a single step………….mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, so can you feel the current state; giving up is not an option anymore, and keeping pace is so difficult. But, then I wont let things slip off my hand so easily. The dazzle at the tunnel-end is more than enough to keep you revving on that accelerator. Just as I say, wallowing in my thoughts and hallucinating that joyous moment is the only driver to make you take the bit between your teeth, the final time.

if you cannot turn things, you and only you are to be deplored………………..You have got all the aces among the spread…………the conditions are so conducive, and you were even succesful with those camoflauged sly tricks this time ( yes, I know!!!!, I hate to be reminded of this).

I can do it, I am so close………………………….yes man, just a bit of prioritizing things, stretching a bit, and respotting the focus; I can keep my dreams alive, I can keep my promise that I made to my kid……………….SHOOT< SHOOT <SHOOT

The unflinching crusade to make my dreams come true reaches……………………………………………….THE FINAL LAP.

The FINAL LAP

I don't know why i am unable to stretch myself this time......the final lap seems to be the most arduous one; the zeal, the grit is missing somewhere.

is it some sort of complacency or laziness that has unconsciously crept in....whatever it is, can i really afford to these luxuries...time is ticking, only 2 months to go, mend your ways or be prepared to face/accept the things @your hand.

magic moments look good on the wrapper of a curvy bottle but , in real life, they dont happen unless coupled with persistent, sedulous and focussed efforts......ooooooh my god , at the fag end, at this crucial juncture do i need to teach myself with such elementary things.

take the stab, my friend, put the saddle and be that old self, who you love the most.

if you fail this time, can you face yourself..........not because of the failure but of the lackadaisical attitude: you cannot flee, the only question that will haunt you throughout..........WAS I TRUE TO MYSELF??????

CAN I LIVE WITH THIS SHAME?

WILL & WILL : The Combo

have something in my mind..... a dream, an opportunity to turn situation from X....to Y

X = grim....Y = green..........but for that i need to remind myself of the cliche, there's no substitute for...........gosh!i wont use......am i kidding, till now it should have been ingrained.

have come along a long way, with lots of stakes in places..................yes you heard it true but then what the heck, its your life & you are the sole deciding authority................ooooooooh really there's still a word, sole ,that you can attribute to yourself, rest anything & everything is someone else's. moving out of the comfort zone is a daunting task but i chose to do it.........did i have any other choice ( my critics would say this) but then you are never dearth of choices, the most easy one is to choose the easiest method of compromise; i refused to do so & will continue to...............i simply adore & would love to nurture this trait of mine.

i was stuck, had sessions with myself but as always, i believed in listening to myself..........no matter what it brings in; during the doldrums, the vacuous state, i got so much to hear about the prudence of my decision from X, Y and Z..............i stated & would still, no decision , per se, is correct or incorrect, if with a bad decision things click you get to hear the bells of rejoice & with a good decision if you fail= you get to hear the groans of zombies: so its only situational.

enough of rants ; WILL WILL combo is the most deadly / decisive combo; the will to say & the will to do = there's a substantial gap & you are the one who can fill in that void.

I WILL, YES YES you heard it right..........there blows the trumpet: I WILL...