Hobby....And I was punished.

I used to curl that metallic, steel coloured rectangular box to me wherever i went, sat, and slept. The most prized procession, I had, of which I didn't want to lose sight. The one that I showed off to every one, taking pride and explaining in detail about the blood and sweat that has gone into this. I patted myself on my resourcefulness, while digging through the filth in collecting the treasures of trove. I borrowed the lens of Mr 10th Baker Street, looking for the tails and eventually finding new evidence. Wow...what a trail. 

I even got a feel of what barter system actually meant when I used trade one of my items with the wannabe collectors for a full size image of my fav star from sportstar, the then revered magazine, or for a polished square magnet, or for a treat of yummy phuchkaas, alu kablis ( bengali for paani-puri ) during the school recess. I even tried to cash on this with the opposite species, the girls, but in vain..they were never interested..I still wonder Why??? I had been asking this question to my wife, who used to be one of my then targets, with no concrete answers. 

This box travelled to Durgapur, Haldia, and Kolkata wherever my father got transferred. All credit goes to my mom, you know how they are. She used to treasure this as if its an IIT or IIM certificate that she cannot afford to lose..But then with time, when new friends, noon shows, girl friends, nancy fridays wrapped in brown sheet started keeping me busy, I lost touch and the maddening spree declined. 

Recently, while searching in the store room, though I could lay my hands upon that rectangular metal box, the contents - THE NUMEROUS COVER FACES OF A MATCH BOX, the different designs, the varied colours - were missing; all memories coming in a flash......May be the rats acted as a messenger and helped those disappear in the thin air, punishing me for the way I shelved those, ignored those, and left those on their own.....Yup..I'm sorry, and I deserve it....

Hope....

The adage holds still...there's many a sip bxn the cup and the lip

When I thought I've touched the ribbon, there went off that beep

Thecoldcomfort, the consolation....there's always a second time

Was there a bit of truth in it, or was just a friendly dime

The last, the final option, and then all w'll be dry

If this slips by, I wll be clueless of where to start, and what else to try

Neither can I stand on a soil so soft, nor can I walk into the stinky cage

Can I keep my composure, or be trapped in the maze

The light is at the end of the tunnel, thats what I thought

Thoughts can also be delusory...why alone Looks always boil on the pot

I experienced the truth..Beatings of life is harsher than those of a cane

Wincing in pain, I still reprise, this bleak moment wll eventually wane

HE w'll either drop a new canvas, or wll spread the blotter

The breeze of hope is getting steady, and my heart stops to flutter

Winning this over, I want to scream till my vocal chords ache

I hope HE befriends me in this very last take....

Exhausted.....

Give me peace, I am drained

Washed up.....the mind can no further be trained

I am just cruising, dont know what's in store

Expectations changed, I want no more

Why did I do, was there any need

I curse the day, when I planted the seed

The steps taken, did I weigh the risk

Or was it again an impulsive kick

I did my bit, but my patience is falling

I dread that day, when I listened to the calling

A single decision, and now everything is grim

At times I loathe myself, why did I dream

I hide it from all, but I am in fear

The whispers are getting loud, I can hear

I jerk off the thoughts, try to be in gear

Heavier getting the thoughts, pushing me to the rear

I dreamt, I stretched, and I chose to think tall

Life cannot punish the pursuer, in place everything will fall.

Let me rekindle the torch of faith, I won't let my confidence crack

I won't sign out so easily........I'll march on this track.

AMEN!!!!!

Toilet for BABLI

The emerging economy, the roars at the summit, we claim to be at the front

The nature's call, Women by the tracks, isn't those enough to haunt

We care for our women, their respect means a lot

Irony -  Women, Kids defecating in the open, we are indifferent to the thought

Our kids are blessed, they are safe, in the chilly winters, at the cosy comfort of our room

The poor souls battling the gushy winds...sh'ld this discomfort be allowed to loom ?

The darkness spreads its wings,  Tensed - why aren't the women back ?

The unfortunate go out in the open, only to be crushed and then end up in a sac

The vultures are out in the dark, waiting to pounce

They are aware, but they are helpless and just cannot bounce

Pulling the window shut, Covering our face with the hankey, is this the way out ?

Can we not act cohesively, can we not shout ?

We shout, our heart fills with pain at the sight of an ailing cat

But, we are  incognizant of a sight so grave and fat

Malnutrition is less dangerous says a WHO's poll

Defecating in the open, if unchecked, will take a heavier toll

The poor sanitation practice will stunt the growth of our kids

The ugly weeds need to be pruned - that's the hours need.

The basic amenities of sanitation,  the need is too small

Just a pointed effort is required...let us roll the ball

Babli feels happy, the new angel will see the world in a healthy light

She sends her wishes, grateful to those for starting up the fight.

Quotes, Sayings - close to me

• Its not how hard you hit, but how hard you can get hit and still keep moving.

• Adversity only brings out ones true potential.

• Every problem you w'll face has already been faced by numerous individual..so dont panic, nothing unique has happened.

• Do the thing which you fear the most.

• Comparison is the thief of joy.

• Never regret your decisions - they are just situational.

• The game ends only when your self confidence gets a crack.

• Never underestimate your instincts.

• Its obvious to have fear, how you handle it makes the difference.

• Do your bit, and let Destiny shape the end.

Friend

He goes to the mosque, but he is my friend

I wonder, can this be a worrying trend ?

The clamour on Diversity, Secularism, the winds of change

The thoughts, in reality, hover over a narrow range

The divide still exists, might be in a subtle way

Hope things w'll fade, albeit thin is the ray

I celebrate Puja, and he does EID

The trivial issues, shldn't we get rid

Pained , I laugh at the thoughts so hollow

I w'll go by my conviction, and won't swallow

The way we have blended surprises a lot

Now, can this open the pandoras pot?

But then why should I bicker, why should I care ?

He listens so patiently, whatever I share

Things got grim, and blazing was the sun

He stood by me, when there was none

Why do they bother, instigate, prod in the name of God ?

When the friends are in agreement, and there's a nod

We are friends, that's how we want to be known

The veil of religion, shouldn't that be blown

We care for our smiles, and not others scowl

Our friendship w'll reign - Period; A deaf ear to their howl.

The Confusion

If you do something of your choice, Its comfort zone

If you do something out of your choice, Slipshod is the tone

If you bow to all that you hear, No guts to raise the treble

If you don't to all that you hear, Spunk to be a rebel

If you speak, Busy with his conviction  the kingpin wants to steal

If you listen, Shaky is his confidence with poor mingling skills

If you plan, Too methodical cannot think on the feet

If you don't, Careless canon relying on gut wll surely fall over the pit

If you win, Cannot learn anything unless one fails

If you fail, Lacks the attitude to get hold of the sails

If you seek out, Too lazy to analyse always require someone to bail 

If you introspect, Too egoist to burrow than to come out of the shell

Stopppp !!!!!! Confused ???

Thus I pass on the baton to my heart, And w'll be all ears

Let's enjoy the journey of rise and fall, And not niggle over the shears

The Wait

The final wait begins, hope things turn good

Hell of a sunset or a Blissful sunrise, now I stop to brood 

The journey was dreaded... my efforts, abilities - the only levers that I could trust

Hanged on, I kept coming at it, not allowing my dreams to gather rust

Never perceived the journey to be such arduous...at times I wanted to flee

The big picture, those dazzling  lights....I forced my neurons to see    

                                                     

The ups and downs, the cold and heat were enough to loosen the reel

The tempering process just hardened the grains, stronger got my zeal

The letter of invite moistened my eyes, drops trickling down on the sheet

Disoriented with joy, my heart leapt out....so mellifluous was that beat

Now, I will have to get off, allowing lady luck to make the final bend

I did all within my ambit ........let Divinity shape the end

A Booklover site....THEBOOKBUB

Recently, I stumbled upon this site - "thebookbub.com"...a wonderful site for booklovers. So many free ebooks and discounted ones on the roll. A no-nonsense site, delivering what it commits. You just need to sign up, a pretty simple one. During the sign up, you w'll be asked to select your fav genres - this is just to send you the right recommendations over email alerts. All the books are categorised according to genres - I chose Thriller and Horror, and must say, you w'll be spoilt with choices. . Based on your selection, all the free and discounted ones w'll show up. Once you click on the book of your choice, you w'll be taken to the amazon site, where just click on the "Free Read" option. You need to have an amazon account, if you don't, just sign up......And off you go. The selected book w'll get seamlessly downloaded on your Kindle reader, one that can be downloaded from google play for android smartphones.

https://www.bookbub.com/ebook-deals/horror-ebooks

"I Hunt Killers", by Barry Lyga......my review

One of the first book that I read of Barry Lyga...though I'm a great fan of the hannibal series, I must say Billy Dent is no less menacing and frightful.

Billy, the father, is a sociopath, the most dreaded serial killer with 123 victims on his list, and has been behind the bars since last 4 years. Jazz is his son, who has been brought up by Billy in a sinister, yet loving way. Billy has taught his son every trick on the book with utmost care - how to use tools, how to distinguish bxn stabbing and slashing, the anatomy, the weak points, the disposal of corpses, and most importantly, how to read minds. Billy has high regards for his son, and has brainwashed Jazz to the point, where Jazz confronts with himself, he knows he has all that it needs to be a potent serial killer, but will not allow that killer self to emerge. Now, there is a killing, and then another.....Jazz could sense there is some linkage to the crimes, which the local cops are overlooking. after his failed attempt to convince the cops, he sets out on his own with his friend howie and connie to jab this evil..in an attempt to prove to the world that he is not evil as his father - an effort to free himself from the shackles Billy Dent's evil legacy. The sheriff Williams finally gives an ear to Jazz, who surprises him with the revelation of patterns involved in the previous killings...convinced, a serial killer is out there in the, like a pitcher plant, luring its prey, only to devour...

Barry wonderfully crafts the relationship between a father and son....Jazz, the son's mental turmoils, the mix of emotions encountered of being the son of the most haunted man. in every work that jazz does, how his father creeps in his mind and speaks to him....the mind game is so aptly illustrated, enabling readers to make the lateral connect, everytime and keeping them glued till the last blot of ink.

Jazz knows that his dad is the best in business, he knows how unconsciously the lessons of his dad has crawled under his skin and definitely, at times, to his advantage..yet he hates  these so much, his upbringing; as he rightly says, its the devil inside that I have to wrestle with and no one else could help. He is drained, looking for an answer to his dream , knife, knife under the sink, cut it like chicken, what happened to mommy, where did she suddenly disappear? Barry keeps the pacing neat, and with few characters jasper, connie, howie, and williams, the story just engulfs you.

When howie is bleeding and the paramedic team refuses Jazz pleading to give him his regular med dose, asking Jazz who did he think he was to instruct the paramedics and what was he doing at the crime scene...JAZZ snaps...this was one of my fav scenes....the excerpt

There's a conversation bxn Billy n Jazz when Billy tries to prove that Crying doesn't yield anything. Barry gives his masterstroke with an example so deep, penetrative, and captivating in true sense....the excerpt

The meeting bxn Billy n Jazz at the prison... the meeting ends, jazz is on his way towards the door..suddenly his dad calls out and says Jazz is the best....the excerpt

And, The finishing lines are bound to make you crave for more.....the excerpt

I really loved the book, the narrative, no flowerly overtone just pure story telling, aptly making the hair on your neck rise to the hilt.....A clear 4.5 from my side.

The BOND....

You may forget your stream, what you're good at amidst the daily grind

They don't .....how touchy, Even these rings on this paper bag never escape their mind

There are few, who will keep glued and root till the end

They are happy the way you are,  little bothered to mend

They may curse you for your deeds, but w'll never desert the ship

They will happily come forward to face the saturn's whip

The fat is on the fire, and along they w'll melt

The sweet assurance never misses their lips...."all w'll be dealt"

You cannot exert, start doubting your dreams....is that all crapshoot?

Their constant cheer gives your dwindling confidence a healthy reboot

You fail miserably, so many hopes pinned ....you just wanna flee

Their soothing words...."we love you for what you are and not what you w'll be"

You confide, you weep, looking to clutch

And, they w'll never disappoint with their loving touch

They forget to wish and attend on the moments that are good

But, w'll never miss to raise you from the slumber of grief and up your mood

In opulence they might disappear, but never in hardship

That's the reason we cherish so much this very bond of FRIENDSHIP.....

G.R.A.M.S The cubicle story

The thoughts of G can be tagged as vile

But can aptly dupe with his big smile

Balancing on the rim, R knows well

Quite shaky at the moment, looks very pale

One wonders at the confidence, when A takes a shot

The rise of the poster boy baffles a lot

Apparently docile, humble, the blue eyed boy

with G as his mentor, M is apt in his ploy

S is the kingpin - the insecured beast

Throws a clout and creates a mist

With utter deftness, He w'll connive and keep you shut

Shocked, one fine morning you w'll be in a rut

To pamper his ego, he has created this group

Who w'll brook his whims other than the donkey's troop

Reckless, ruthless, and shrewd to the core

Swallow his eccentricity to be at the fore

"GRAM" has merrily adapted, so w'll never sign out

Is Adaptation the euphemism for Eating filth , Grrrrrrr I end this bout.

Brooding over "GRAMS".....don't pain your mental pot
Unworthy of any attention, so my friends kindly respot

Here goes the official declaration, or the situation might be a bit tense

Any resemblance to any of the initials, living or dead, is purely a coincidence....

Fast Food

Chips, pizza, fries, and burger

Thoughts about these that we harbour

A quickie breakfast to a working lunch

Not bogged...so many on the platter to munch

In for a date, but low on money

Sushi, hot dogs....spoilt with choices to lure your honey

Hanging out with old pals, thumping to sing

A stare at those nuggets and onion rings

Working couples, always in a rush and hurry

A sweet respite, breaking the shackles of bread, rice, and curry

Are we forgetting the kids, fussy with their coooooos

The magic wand of fast food ropes them too

The aroma, the crisp, and the way they melt

Can I stop without taking a stab, let me loosen my belt

The lip-smackering, the mouth watering dishes on the roll

The calorie meter ticks, But I'll go with my soul

Just chill, and do what ur taste buds say

The resolute thoughts of obesity...cover those with hay

Overdependence is not good, so just keep a tab

Easy peasy.....a bit of work out everyday, and rest will be fab...

The LIGHT

I don't know, I m good or bad....

But, I know for sure, I 'm sad

Why should I pretend, why should I lie 

Doing those, my problems won't fly

Life is taking turns, leaving sharp burns

Prospects are dry, but still I won't cry

Life is shrinking

So now I'm thinking

The poisoned cup of destiny....do I gulp

Or, rise from lamb to lion, smashing everything to pulp

I'll rivet my thoughts towards an engaging session

But, the treasure hunt is within...that's the lesson

The devils are there, I can hear the roars

I'll dig up...what I am good at that w'll take me ashore

I won't let these choppy moments put a dent

Not a vestige of doubt, I w'll rebuild my tent

I'll settle for nothing less, no harm in more

The faint light from tower-houses.???.......VOILA!!!!...I'm nearing the shore.

The TOAD

Guess the group, who fears a lot

No matter what, they stick to their bot

Fear to move or even to lean

Anxious, a simple walk might break their shin

Camouflaged, they put on a veil

The unkempt story, they prefer not to tell

Parasites, they need to cling

Apt in making the timely swings

Living in worlds that are two

In one they are the masters, in the other BOOOO

Their actions synonymous with a moral drain

Astute minds.... we just listened to our brain

Always eager to give feeds

Irony, a zero tab on their own deeds

They  dislike guys, who are laid back

A stretch by a cm, lazy bones  crumble like a pack

Engaged to the core....always in to brainstorm

Never peeps inside, but want to give others a form

With no coherent story, they only ramble

Know how to sail, so they never shamble

They get to the destination without knowing the path

Blessed they are....know how to tread the wrath

They laugh all day....but mourn at the dawn

When the mirrors laugh aloud " YOU ARE JUST A FAWN"

The REALIZATION

Life is good,  life is bright

I'm loving it...a new vision at sight

Rejuvenated, the vigor is back

All pensive thoughts, they go on the rack

The elixir is the smile on my kids face

I w'll embrace the throwaways of life.......I'm no more in the race

I's confused with the priorities, realization came late,

Now, I'll strongly tether these thoughts, and close the gate

Is it your career that makes up your life?

No, its not....i have learnt to differ with the thought that is rife

I might be a bit bouncy, and have loosened few knobs

But, I'm blessed with loving parents, my encouraging sweetheart, and a lovely little devil.....so why should I sob?

To crib is easy, to accept is tough

I'm learning to do that....let the waters get rough!!!!

ATONE.......

The days are mournful.....

Everything seems so scornful

I accept, I didn't give you peace of mind

But I never apprehended life will become such a nasty kind

You believed in me, when I was none

Can you not bear with me.....there comes the rays of sun

I had neither a job nor any money

But that didn't stop you from loving me honey

I got you this discomfort... you feel depressed and shy

Have faith....these pensive moments will surely fly

I know, such words seem to you as farcical or fake

Don't lose your trust on me, for heavens sake

I am a free mind.....what world thinks, I don't care

But when you are down....because of me, I can hardly bear

I love you , yes, i love you that's what I can say

Trust me, I'll definitely put all these gloomy days at bay...

And I apologise............if I may

The BLEND

Today is good - not worried about tomorrow,

Immersing in the present…. in future, there might be sorrow

What has to happen will happen anyway

I have no control on the black Friday

The logic is simple, yet we worry

When the moments are gone, we feel sorry

The fear of the future is very haunting

But embracing the present, is it that daunting?

Thoughts about future is a mandate – "a must"

But, secluding the present…..is it that just?

No thoughts for the future can land you in mess

But, engrossed in your unit-thoughts might increase the stress

Tomorrow never dies, but today does

The totem pole is to match the tremble and the bass

Neither seclusion is good nor inclusion is bad

The blend is the key, or you will gad.

The TASK

I am lagging, but I have a task in hand
Can i show this luxury, I am no harry with a magic wand 

This opportunity bestowed might be the last
Do I need to remind myself, that I need to act fast

The apprehensions of the unknown loom large
The fears of failure seem to barge

But why should I worry, I am thorough
The unwanted tensions, do I really need to borrow?

I fear.....The game is over, the whistle is blown,
Don't panic, the outcome will be bright.....you have earnestly sown

But, the pill of lax is pernicious...…I cannot further swallow
Brevity is wit, "do not wallow"

Lot of stakes, but was the risk worth?
ha ha ha bro, it's a dead end.....Now, you cannot go  back and forth

Rather, take the charge, and prune the weeds
Still daydreaming……you will curse your deeds

When the mind vacillates….I plea,... survivor, show me the halo
Did u say Halo....oh gosh.... cant u even feel your efforts are so  shallow

Bug up my friend, its time to stand tall
the time has come....the graffiti of your dreams should be on that wall

I am exhausted, can hear the heavy puff
But didn’t you know…..the ride would be rough

it’s the final lap…..here goes the gun shot....there's no time to think
The only verb in your lexicon should be "ACT "….., or you will sink

Loved ones say., this time, you will get it right
Yes, I am visualizing – I love the sight

What I have learnt, amidst so much pain
Resilience is the key to dig out the gain

I have persevered, I have fought
I could put at bay…….those dreary thoughts

With an indomitable spirit, I thump my chest
I could hear the musings of my son....….” BABA” you are the best.

The Worst Enemy

The worst enemy is fear

Shattering of your dreams....can u bear?

I don't know, but I fear

Try once, the film smeared on the core....can you not tear?

The outcome might not be good...I still fear

May be..but future is far....isn't the present near

I still fear, things might be in a mess

Yes, but then you can always redress

I still fear,  what if i fail

Might be, but then you w'll learn, how to sail

I still fear, the magnitude of failure

Mmmmm thats valid...but can you not hear the voice of  THE Saviour

I still fear, what if I am badly hit

True, you just learnt...you were not a fit

OK OK OK........so  answer me - Fear, how can I tame?

Remind yourself....if you cannot do a thing of your choice, can u live with shame?

Take Fear head on, its a must

And you w'll be happy to see, FEAR BITING THE DUST....